Giant Penis Penetrates Graduation Ceremony

Meet 19 year old Calvin Morett whose sole motive was, “he thought it would be funny”:

(Yes, that’s silly string he’s spraying at the orchestra.)

Saratoga Springs Police Sgt. Sean Briscoe said:

Morett allegedly interrupted the Saratoga Springs High School graduation by marching across SPAC’s stage in an inflatable 6-foot penis costume while diplomas were being given out.

Allegedly??? Come on, it looks like a clear cut case of a guy dressed as a giant penis disrupting a graduation ceremony, to me. Of course, as James Hart at Crime Scene KC noted, “if you’re dressed as a penis, you’re going to be disruptive no matter where you go”.

Morett was ticketed for disorderly conduct, a violation, and will face the charges in City Court on Tuesday, Briscoe said.

Morett graduated from Saratoga Springs High School last year. He tried to streak away from law enforcement, but could not.

“Once I stopped laughing, he was pretty easy to catch because he was tripping on the lower portion of the costume,” said Briscoe, who made the arrest.

I imagine there were some pretty upset grandparents in the audience who were not laughing.

Hat tip: Crime Scene KC

Picture by John Carl D’Annibale / Times Union

UPDATE: (July 17):

The “giant dork” has been ordered by a judge to write an apology to the city:

The judge has also ordered Morett to pay to have the apology published in a local newspaper, pay court fees and perform 24 hours of community service.

UPDATE (July 18):

The long awaited video, right here.

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28 Responses to “Giant Penis Penetrates Graduation Ceremony”

  1. WPDunn Says:

    I’ve become one who truly despises the Man-Child Culture


  2. cranky Says:

    Stay classy Saratoga.

    Somebody needs to cock punch this little shit.


  3. cranky Says:

    Better solution might be if, when anyone were to Google him, the Google result would be Calvin Morett Don’t Hire Me I Have No Judgment When Even a 19-year Old Should Have More Judgment Than Calvin Morett Who Has a Wee Willy and Is Compensating With This Poorly Thought Out “Joke”.

    Or punch him in both sets of nuts.


  4. nicedeb Says:

    On the one hand, I couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer audacity of the guy, but on the other hand, I know that if that happened at one of my kids’ graduation, I’d be pretty annoyed.


  5. sweetchuckd Says:

    This story made! It’s got tons of crazy headlines like this!


  6. Alice H Says:

    Disruptive Penis! ROFLMAO!

    I think I’ve dated a couple of those….


  7. Anonymous Says:

    i think the kid should be given an award for bringing some humor to an occasion filled with so much anxiety and false hope for the future. all i mean is people need to learn how to laugh at life now or they are doomed. graduation ceremony should symbolize all of these ideals.


  8. PattyAnn Says:

    Hahahaha, Alice.

    That guy has “a lower portion”!


  9. cranky Says:

    Anonymous, there is a time and place for everything. Calvin was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    Otherwise your comment is the most cheerful and hopeful thing I’ve read in I can’t remember how long. You should give Commencement Speeches. Maybe they’ll pay you. You can always hope. And if they don’t pay you, you can just laugh about it. That would be ideal. Otherwise you’re doomed. But that’s kind of funny, right?


  10. Bruce Says:

    And ya know what, folks? This moron can vote. Dare I make a guess for whom?


  11. tsfiles Says:

    What a dick.


  12. Leaky Bong Says:

    Magnum Cum Loudly


  13. pffft Says:

    I think it is hysterical! I wish I had been there! Come on people, it was a joke, stop taking yourselves so seriously! Is it any different when that guy at wimbledon or a soccer match, baseball game, etc…. streaks across the field? He obviously either was dared to do it or he just needed the attention. I personally can’t stop laughing about it and think it quite funny.


  14. Giant Penis Disrupts Graduation Ceremony: The Video! « Nice Deb Says:

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  15. Anna Keppa Says:

    pffft: so you think it’s a laff riot, eh?

    My guess is you’re one of those epicene and concave-chested little Man-Boys who doesn’t understand the term “Disrupting a Public Event and Being an A*sshole”.

    Here’s a challenge: next time your company holds an all-employees meeting, why not do the same? See if your boss shares your sense of “humor”.


  16. Fuller Says:

    Wish he had done it at the La Raza conferance last week instead.


  17. Anonymous Says:

    If this happened at my kids graduation, well, I’d laugh my ass off. Some of you need to beg, borrow or buy a sense of humor.


  18. Anonymous Says:

    Btw, my graduation was a 2 hour snore fest.


  19. cranky Says:

    You know what would be really funny Anonymous @ 11:51? If he did it at your kid’s graduation and he rubbed himself all over your daughter.

    It ain’t about humor. It is about the setting. And this wasn’t about anything but Calvin getting attention.


  20. geoff Says:

    If this happened at my kids graduation, well, I’d laugh my ass off.

    …exhibiting a not particularly refined sense of humor. Perhaps you should have brought a Whoopee cushion to your graduation – I’m sure that would have given you at least 2 hours of hilarity.


  21. Devil's Advocate Says:

    Awesome! I wish a giant dick ran through my graduation. It was well thought out. The silly spray was a fantastic touch. Nobody got hurt, he alone suffers the penalties and love him or hate him, he’s all over the internet. It’s fantastic. The only thing I would have done differently was to have attached the same color neck wrap as the master of ceremonies to the costume, and waited until his buddy’s name was called. Then I would have whipped out a fake diploma that reads “YOU SUCK AT LIFE!!!” and held it up for the cameras to read, and presented it to that kid. Then spray only him in the face with the silly spray. Other than that, nice job Calvin. I give him an A-


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  23. Krystal Says:

    What a dick


  24. Terrapin Says:

    It would have been funny if it weren’t RIGHT in the middle of a graduation ceremony and if he wasn’t spraying silly string at the orchestra. It seems flat out ignorant and belligerent to me… But if it were towards the end or in good taste… I would’ve literally laughed my balls off. RoFL! Where do “I” get a giant penis costume?!


  25. Crazyface Jones Says:

    ‘Giant Penis Penetrates Graduation Ceremony’

    *slow clap*


  26. nicedeb Says:

    My husband came up with that — credit where credit is due.


  27. Rob (@Zombz) Says:

    at least it wasn’t a school shooting… lighten up guys, its ok to laugh and have fun sometimes. ;)


  28. Anonymous Says:

    Haha that would be so funny


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