Fat, Stupid Pet Rabbit Runs Amuck

This rabbit has been sighted by neighborhood children. She stands out because she’s white with brown spots, unlike the gray bunnies we usually see. Also, she is very, very fat, and doesn’t run very fast. But she runs fast enough, because I’ve tried to catch her, and couldn’t.

You see, this fat, lumbering hulk is our pet rabbit. We’ve had her for about 2 1/2 months. At first she lived in a cage. We wanted to let her out and play with her. We really did. But she literally bit the hand that fed her, or tried to pet her. So she tended to stay in her cage most of the time.

We bought her a hutch, and put her outdoors, but she didn’t seem to like that either. She managed to knock her way out of it, and we found her hopping loose in the yard.

“Oh what the hell,” I said, “As long as she’s happy.”

We decided that as long as she stayed close to the house (and she was), we could put her in the hutch at night. This worked out fine for awhile. The cats left her alone, (they were intimidated by her, too). But one evening we couldn’t find her. She didn’t show up the next day either, or the next, or the next. Actually it’s been about a week and a half. I’ve searched our entire property for her, and found neither hide nor hare. I figured that a bunny as clueless and fat as Niblets probably made a tasty meal for a fox.

But today, she was sighted by some kids on their way to our house to play, galumphing on the side of the road.

After dinner, we decided to try to catch her, which can be tricky because she bites.

So that’s how I found my self chasing that #$@*& fat rabbit in the dark, this night, cutting through people’s yards, as family and neighbors looked on, and coming home empty handed, because the fat SOB squeezed under a fence, and I gave up the chase.

Fun times.

“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”