Ba-Da-Boom!

You want to see what your fireworks will do before you buy them? This site, Phantom Fireworks has videos!

Remember kids, let’s be safe this 4th of July.

1. Don’t hover over your fireworks after the fuse has been lit.

2. Don’t aim them at other people.

3. Do try to be sober!

If anyone has any tips to add, please let me know.

I’m all about safety.

More:

4. Enas Yorl sez: “Be sure to wear safety goggles when you shoot bottle rockets from your mouth”.

5. From Eddiebear: Bottle Rocket wars are probably a bad idea.

6. Wiserbud has several more. You can …uh…read them in the comment section.

Eddiebear sounds like he speaks from experience:

7. “And do not use a wiffle ball bat to launch. Just saying”.

and

8. “Oh, and don’t let your drunk cousin smoke and handle the bag o’fireworks. Unless you want to do the low crawl”.

9. Wisebud says let the kids light the fireworks for you so you don’t burn your fingers. (??!!)

10. Patty Ann sez, “If you have to stop and think, ‘What would my mother say if she saw me doing this,’ DON’T DO IT!”

11. Bmac sez, “If you crease a Whistleing Pete (don’t know if you have them on the east coast) in the middle, it will whistle and then explode, like a firecracker. Also, after you light it, put it down”.

IreneFingIrene has some good ones:

12. “That big all-in-one bag of fireworks for $49.99 at your grocery store… don’t just throw into the fire. You’re supposed to unwrap it and follow the directions and shit”.

13. “If you buy any of the “snake” fireworks for anybody besides your toddlers, then you risk being profiled in next month’s Men’s Vogue”.

14. “Do not light fireworks near John Smeaton. Especially if you are interrupting his smoke break”.

15. Dave In Texas sez, “Never pet a burning dog”.

I’ll try to remember that.

16. Another winner from Wiserbud: “You can light a M-80 with a cigarette, but you really shouldn’t light a cigarette with an M-80”.

Okay, Tushar D wins the prize for most inappropriate tip:

17. “If you must fire rockets out of your ass, at least use some lube. If the rocket cannot escape smoothly, you will have a burnt ass”.

18. Wisebud: *sigh* “When tying a package of firecrackers to a dog’s tail, be sure to use a surgeons knot, to keep them from flying off”. *sigh*

19. Mr. Minority: “You know those mortar shells you fire out of the tubes? Well light one and throw it into a lake/pond and watch the water light up in a spectacular way”!

20. Wiserbud (again!): “Blind people do not enjoy fireworks as much as you might imagine, what with not being able to see the display and really only have the sound to work with.

So be sure to set off your fireworks as close to a blind person as possible, so that they experience the full power of the explosive, including the feel of the blast wave.

This really works best if you do not tell the blind person of your plans in advance”.

21. Tim Sez: “If you use a wrist-rocket or slingshot to launch a cherry bomb, it will explode far enough away so’s you don’t get hurt. Oh, but don’t aim them at squirrels. They never did nothin’ to you”.

Roger that.

22. Mesablue: Always set off as many firecrackers as possible at once.

10,500,000 sounds like a good number.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQOKvaYmPFQ

50,000 bottle rockets is kind of fun, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O_R_PZUfDA

23. Chris: If you have all your fireworks in a large cardboard box, and the box begins to emit smoke, flames, bottle rockets and/or explosions, run away.

24. Chris again: After throwing all your “dud” fireworks in the burn barrel with the other trash, go inside immediately after lighting it. Watch through a window to make sure you haven’t inadvertantly started any grass fires. (Unless you had something REALLY big in there. In that case, you may want to avoid windows for a while. Just in case.)

25. Cranky: (This one seems suspiciously personal) “Don’t miss when you are throwing firecrackers out of your bedroom window. When they land on cotton curtains, the curtains tend to catch on fire. Then your mom will want to know what’s-up-with-this-trying-to-burn-the-house-down stuff”.

.

76 thoughts on “Ba-Da-Boom!

  1. Don’t stick lit firecrackers in your ears, in an attempt to protect them from the sound of the M-80 you just lit.

    Throwing a bottle rocket into the air will not make it go higher. It will only increase the chance of it hitting one of your friends in the eye. Not cool, unless that’s what you were going for.

    When in the presence of “dark” people, do not refer to ANYTHING as a n***er-chaser.

    IF you plan on setting off fireworks from a boat, make sure it is not your boat.

    Like

  2. And do not use a wiffle ball bat to launch. Just saying.

    Oh, and don’t let your drunk cousin smoke and handle the bag o’fireworks. Unless you want to do the low crawl.

    Like

  3. If you hold the match too long, it will burn your fingertips. So, when possible, have children light the fireworks for you, as they have much smaller fingers.

    Like

  4. Best option? Have kids use a cigar. Just be sure to teach them how to keep them lit by drawing on them occasionally.

    Like

  5. If you have to stop to think “What would my Mother say if she saw me doing this?” DON’T DO IT!

    Like

  6. If you crease a Whistleing Pete (don’t know if you have them on the east coast) in the middle, it will whistle and then explode, like a firecracker. Also, after you light it, put it down.

    Like

  7. Whistling Pete, I think, is the same as my dad’s N-chaser: a little rocket about 3 inches long, red cone & fins. Do NOT insert inappropriate joke on Nice Deb’s blog.

    Like

  8. I long for the days when I would take my bottle rockets and shoot them into my dad’s pool. It looked like a torpedo.

    *sniff*

    Oh, and those cheap ass tanks and “aircraft carriers” can bite me. They sucked.

    Like

  9. That big all-in-one bag of fireworks for $49.99 at your grocery store… don’t just throw into the fire. You’re supposed to unwrap it and follow the directions and shit.

    Like

  10. If you buy any of the “snake” fireworks for anybody besides your toddlers, then you risk being profiled in next month’s Men’s Vogue.

    Like

  11. Do not light fireworks near John Smeaton. Especially if you are interrupting his smoke break.

    Like

  12. If you must fire rockets out of your ass, atleast use some lube. If the rocket cannot escape smoothly, you will have a burnt ass.

    Like

  13. When tying a package of firecrackers to a dog’s tale, be sure to use a surgeons knot, to keep them from flying off.

    Like

  14. Nice Deb,
    I would advice people NOT to fire rockets outta the ass. But if they MUST, my advice will be helpful.

    Like

  15. Blind people do not enjoy fireworks as much as you might imagine, what with not being able to see the display and really only have the sound to work with.

    So be sure to set off your fireworks as close to a blind person as possible, so that they experience the full power of the explosive, including the feel of the blast wave.

    This really works best if you do not tell the blind person of your plans in advance.

    Like

  16. If you use a wrist-rocket or slingshot to launch a cherry bomb, it will explode far enough away so’s you don’t get hurt.

    Like

  17. One of the most dangerous times in the lighting of a firework is the moment immediately after the wick catches. Any loose gunpowder that may be located on the outside of the device can “flash” (quickly catch fire and burn) if struck by a loose spark from the now-burning wick.

    To avoid this, wrap your fireworks in gasoline-soaked rags and place them in an airtight container, half-filled with gasoline, for a minimum of 3 weeks prior to use. This will dissolve nearly all of the loose gunpowder from the device.

    When lighting, be sure to remain as close as possible to your fireworks to watch for any remaining undissolved pieces of loose gunpowder that may ignite, fly off and get in someone’s eye.

    Like

  18. If you have all your fireworks in a large cardboard box, and the box begins to emit smoke, flames, bottle rockets and/or explosions, run away.

    After throwing all your “dud” fireworks in the burn barrel with the other trash, go inside immediately after lighting it. Watch through a window to make sure you haven’t inadvertantly started any grass fires. (Unless you had something REALLY big in there. In that case, you may want to avoid windows for a while. Just in case.)

    Like

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  20. way to go, Deb. You have definitely blossomed here in the last few months.

    Keep up great work!

    (I hate you.)

    Like

  21. I was wondering when someone discover that Harry Carey video.

    I should start doing a little more blog whoring, I guess.

    But it’s so unseemly!

    Like

  22. I agree wiser, Great work nice deb (you know she’s celibate at her tits are airbrushed) I really hope you keep on with the success, as long as it’s lesser than the Hostages, was that out loud?

    Like

  23. OH! SHIT! not to mean she’s a whore, but rather, you know she has cranked out 6 kids, with a man who’s warrantee on genital ownership is quickly running out.

    Like

  24. Don’t miss when you are throwing firecrackers out of your bedroom window. When they land on cotton curtains, the curtains tend to catch on fire. Then your mom will want to know what’s-up-with-this-trying-to-burn-the-house-down stuff.

    Just sayin…

    WP: First Rule of Holes … stop digging.

    Like

  25. True story,
    Had a boss, who was also a friend, so one night, all of us in our section went out and were hanging out, and there were 4 of us who were close, including the boss, who happened to be a woman.
    Anyways everyone who wasn’t used to us were trying to get comfortable around the boss, and I said something like “don’t worry she can drink us all under the table, and bang all the bouncers before running a marathon.” something like that, but the part that I do remember is then turning to my boss/friend and saying, “Did I just call you a drunken whore?”

    Just an example of one of those times when I sorta tripped over myself.

    Like

  26. Ace was going to bed, and asked about the Arizona Jihadist Memorial last. . . .august I think.

    There were two cats, still active who started digging through university publications and class curricula, meanwhile NiceDeb goes to google and googles “arizona memorial proffessors” or something like that and comes up with all the answers Ace wanted. Nice Deb then went to bed, and I kept following her K.I.S.S. method of research and gave Ace even more info.

    Ace praised me in the mainpage, but then I said. . . I think this is an exact quote, “I just did what NiceDeb did, she’s asleep now, I’m just her fingers, that sounds kinda dirty.”

    Anyways, ND found a bunch of shit on the AZ memorial in one of those “posts that I love so much” according to ace, because “I had nothing whatsoever to do with it, or it’s research or writing.”

    Basicaly Nicedeb, and 3 other people gave Ace 3 screens if not more worth of text and research.

    Like

  27. Yeah, I forgot about the AZ memorial thing. I did a bunch of research and posted a ton of links and then Nice Deb did the same thing the next day in a different thread.

    Yippee.

    Have a good 4th everyone.

    Like

  28. I’m actually re-reading the AZ memorial comments, cuz MikeZ was EFFING hillarious. Classic book read genius, but practical moron, no offense MikeZ.

    And I see that before I was a thoughtful commenter, I did my WP thing with the link to streisand’s nips.

    criminy, what an odd group we are.

    Like

  29. Man!!! Thats a good line I think,
    To Matt Drudge,
    You got your scoop, thats all, and you fool those with the savvy of a drunk dog trying to pinch arianna huffingtons nipples, but while you have your place, you cannot protect it by ignoring others who have created a place for themselves.

    fin.

    Like

  30. I did not realize that that was the thread where I described how I became WP.

    Kinda fortunate, He was a Veteran, and Gary Ross was/is a very good man, I learned much from him.

    Like

  31. Pingback: Nice Deb Just Noticed…. «

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