Chewbacca Sexually Assaults Marilyn Monroe

To be more precise, I should say, a Chewbacca impersonator has been accused of sexually assaulting a Marilyn Monroe impersonator, but that doesn’t make a very pithy headline, does it? If it had been a real wookie, I would be tempted to ask if Ace had been anywhere near the Kodak theater, in Hollywood, back in June.

According to an officer with the LAPD, Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress’s hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists.


Chewbacca, whose real name was not available, fled before police arrived, Torres said.

However, Torres is sure the hairy assailant would be caught soon.

“He’s always there (at the theater),” he said.

He apparently has a history of this sort of behavior.

Oh! Found via Hotair.


Police are looking for a man who robbed a bank in Manchester, New Hampshire, disguised as a tree.

The reason I say this is related? Why the hell are the police having a hard time finding a giant wookie, and a man dressed as a tree?  Wouldn’t they, you know….stand out a little?