A Tale of Two Wisconsinites

Two Wisconsin men recently featured in the news, chose two very different paths to become famous…

Since both men are young and single – why don’t I write about them like they’re contestants on the Dating Game? Wouldn’t that be fun?

How about that, ladies?

Alrighty, then.

Bachelor #1 is 28 year old hunka hunka burnin’ love Jordan Matson


Jordan is a US Army vet who is currently residing in Syria where he has joined forces with the Kurds to fight ISIS. The devout Christian can often be seen in a  “Rambo-style” bandana and a tactical vest with the words “Christ is Lord” written on the fabric.

Untitled-2Wow, Bachelor #1, that’s pretty wild! What made you decide to go to Syria and fight ISIS?


jm“I decided that if my government wasn’t going to do anything to help this country, especially Kurdish people who stood by us for 10 years and helped us out while we were in this country, then I was going to do something.”

Untitled-2How long have you been there?


jmSince last September.




Wow, I guess you’re in it for the long haul, then, huh?



“I’m not going back until the fight is finished and [the Islamic State] is crippled.jm… How many people were sold into slavery or killed just for being part of a different ethnic group or religion? That’s something I am willing to die to defend.”


Hmmm…something to definitely think about…

And here’s bachelor #2: Joshua Van Haften, 34:


Joshua Van Haften, 34, of Dane County, Wisconsin, is a socially conscious pro-union activist who once signed his name to an anti-Scott Walker petition.

Van Haften is also a convicted child sex offender, who was recently arrested for trying to join ISIS – the group Bachelor #1 is fighting.

Untitled-2Wait… you traveled overseas for the purpose of joining and attempting to provide material support to ISIS?”






Untitled-2How long do you think you’ll be in prison?

joshA conviction in my case carries a maximum sentence of 15 years in federal prison. But I’m pretty sure President Barack Hussein Obama will pardon me before he leaves office.


Untitled-2Do you support a woman’s right to choose?


joshUh, yes ma’am I sure do. And I’ve also worked tirelessly to thwart the Koch brothers’ favorite Tea Party extremist, the union-busting Scott Walker.


Untitled-2When’s the last time you washed your hair?


joshTo be honest, I don’t know. It’s been awhile, ma’am.

Untitled-2Still Thinking…

Oh, I know! If you guys were bakers and a gay couple wanted you to bake them a wedding cake for their gay wedding….


9 thoughts on “A Tale of Two Wisconsinites

  1. I would recommend that Josh be removed from the Dating Game, given a free pass to a Cell at the local penitentiary {cause he’s a perv} and be moved to the “Queen for a Day” board” , where he belongs, along side the resident version of Mr T {without the bling, of course}.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Kurdish Fighters Recapture Dozens of Syrian Towns From ISIS (Video) | PJ Tatler

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