Ba-Da-Boom!

You want to see what your fireworks will do before you buy them? This site, Phantom Fireworks has videos!

Remember kids, let’s be safe this 4th of July.

1. Don’t hover over your fireworks after the fuse has been lit.

2. Don’t aim them at other people.

3. Do try to be sober!

If anyone has any tips to add, please let me know.

I’m all about safety.

More:

4. Enas Yorl sez: “Be sure to wear safety goggles when you shoot bottle rockets from your mouth”.

5. From Eddiebear: Bottle Rocket wars are probably a bad idea.

6. Wiserbud has several more. You can …uh…read them in the comment section.

Eddiebear sounds like he speaks from experience:

7. “And do not use a wiffle ball bat to launch. Just saying”.

and

8. “Oh, and don’t let your drunk cousin smoke and handle the bag o’fireworks. Unless you want to do the low crawl”.

9. Wisebud says let the kids light the fireworks for you so you don’t burn your fingers. (??!!)

10. Patty Ann sez, “If you have to stop and think, ‘What would my mother say if she saw me doing this,’ DON’T DO IT!”

11. Bmac sez, “If you crease a Whistleing Pete (don’t know if you have them on the east coast) in the middle, it will whistle and then explode, like a firecracker. Also, after you light it, put it down”.

IreneFingIrene has some good ones:

12. “That big all-in-one bag of fireworks for $49.99 at your grocery store… don’t just throw into the fire. You’re supposed to unwrap it and follow the directions and shit”.

13. “If you buy any of the “snake” fireworks for anybody besides your toddlers, then you risk being profiled in next month’s Men’s Vogue”.

14. “Do not light fireworks near John Smeaton. Especially if you are interrupting his smoke break”.

15. Dave In Texas sez, “Never pet a burning dog”.

I’ll try to remember that.

16. Another winner from Wiserbud: “You can light a M-80 with a cigarette, but you really shouldn’t light a cigarette with an M-80″.

Okay, Tushar D wins the prize for most inappropriate tip:

17. “If you must fire rockets out of your ass, at least use some lube. If the rocket cannot escape smoothly, you will have a burnt ass”.

18. Wisebud: *sigh* “When tying a package of firecrackers to a dog’s tail, be sure to use a surgeons knot, to keep them from flying off”. *sigh*

19. Mr. Minority: “You know those mortar shells you fire out of the tubes? Well light one and throw it into a lake/pond and watch the water light up in a spectacular way”!

20. Wiserbud (again!): “Blind people do not enjoy fireworks as much as you might imagine, what with not being able to see the display and really only have the sound to work with.

So be sure to set off your fireworks as close to a blind person as possible, so that they experience the full power of the explosive, including the feel of the blast wave.

This really works best if you do not tell the blind person of your plans in advance”.

21. Tim Sez: “If you use a wrist-rocket or slingshot to launch a cherry bomb, it will explode far enough away so’s you don’t get hurt. Oh, but don’t aim them at squirrels. They never did nothin’ to you”.

Roger that.

22. Mesablue: Always set off as many firecrackers as possible at once.

10,500,000 sounds like a good number.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQOKvaYmPFQ

50,000 bottle rockets is kind of fun, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O_R_PZUfDA

23. Chris: If you have all your fireworks in a large cardboard box, and the box begins to emit smoke, flames, bottle rockets and/or explosions, run away.

24. Chris again: After throwing all your “dud” fireworks in the burn barrel with the other trash, go inside immediately after lighting it. Watch through a window to make sure you haven’t inadvertantly started any grass fires. (Unless you had something REALLY big in there. In that case, you may want to avoid windows for a while. Just in case.)

25. Cranky: (This one seems suspiciously personal) “Don’t miss when you are throwing firecrackers out of your bedroom window. When they land on cotton curtains, the curtains tend to catch on fire. Then your mom will want to know what’s-up-with-this-trying-to-burn-the-house-down stuff”.

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